This is the personal story of a manic-depressive who has given her life to studying and treating manic-depressives. Interestingly, the book itself seems an incarnation of the life of the writer. The first few chapters are manic, but, gradually, the book slows down and becomes more even-keiled.
Jamison is poetic, at times mystical, but in the strange way. The insanity she lives with is communicated, unawares, not so much in the content as in the style and pathos. You get the feeling, occasionally, that the writer is mad.
Jamison’s crash into mania and depression was the result of several factors:
1) Genes (her Father’s especially)
2) A restrictive military upbringing (she comes back to this again and again)
3) Moving to a new, unfamiliar place
I have to wonder if her wild romantic life didn’t play a more important role than she realizes in bringing on her mania. At some point this romantic life proved stabilizing and healing (through 2 love affairs with Englishman, and a marriage to a stable, kind man), but the first part of the book hints at irresponsible and dangerous immorality. No wonder we are warned in the scriptures to “guard our heart,” and be careful about “awakening love before it pleases.” Have we seriously considered the destructive consequences of teen-age love affairs? Jamison remarks jokingly upon her “excessive involvement in pleasurable activities (181).” Too much honey is not good.
I also have to wonder what role the demonic element played in her life (see especially pg. 120).
My favorite quotes:
It took me far too long to realize that lost years and relationships cannot be recovered, that damage done to onseself and others cannot always be put right again, and that freedom from the control imposed by medication loses it meaning when the only alternatives are death and insanity (6).
These warrings had cost me dearly in time lost, and, feeling myself again, I was unwilling to risk losing any more time than I already had. Life had become worth not losing (163).
Not having children of my own is the single most intolerable regret of my life (192).
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